Friday, April 22, 2011

I apologize for being late with this. The days blur together, the hours do the same. I (we) marvel at how busy we are as we are in Lin’s and the family’s service. Austin thought it was Tuesday, but it was Thursday. I thought it was early evening, but it was almost 9PM. Time has taken on elastic dimension.

Very fitting that we are still engaged in this process as Easter comes into our lives. The season of new life, the season of extended hope and of renewal into new fields of action. The season of activity beyond the grave.

Lin sleeps now about 21 hours of every 24. She is a fighter; she fights to keep going in this life and among the family and friends she has come to love so very much.

The pattern one or two weeks ago was a day of energy and activity, a day of rest. The pattern now is rest. And she could rally. She has done it before. As I said, she is a fighter (as a former co-captain of a high school field hockey team should be).

The pattern is of great and non-grudging and loving service—from my eldest, Austin, who has been here for a long time, from my daughter Kadra, with her new one, Sarah Lin, who calms us, and reminds us that “a baby is God’s message that the world must go on”, from my sister Charlotte, who is a newcomer and the latest godsend, from our church, from each of you, though not usually physically, spiritually. From all my children and their spouses and friends. I have already described the Addicks, our friends from Baltimore. If there were a medal ceremony, there would be nearly two hundred people lined up to receive medals. And none wanting one.

Lin is at peace—much, much more than she has been at any earlier time throughout this process. Her pain is well managed. She is observant. She still makes sure that things are done right. She still makes sure we buy and fill out thank you cards. Her sterling and wonderfully generous character shines through daily.

Early in the week she noticed bluebirds in the back yard and pointed them out to me(not a yard really, but a steep hill/cliff loaded with rocks and trees and forest vegetation—my kind of yard!). And now graced with a pair of nesting bluebirds. I have tried for 6 years to entice bluebirds to nest back there, laying out birdhouses with care and according to instruction, shooing spiders and wasps out of the nesting boxes. And now this year we are blessed. They are truly beautiful.

It is mid-Spring in Missouri. Daffodils have just finished sending their wave of joy throughout our “yard”; next come stately iris, then cheerful daisies. We are in the season just before chiggers and ticks and mosquitoes and heavy lawn-mowing, so a good season.

Her heart beats more slowly; her blood pressure is much lower. We are all trying to be at peace with what is transpiring, and ask that same blessing to all who read this Blog.

I weep as I type this, sitting upright in the bed next to her bed, where I have been all night. Yes, tears of sadness, but certainly not without hope for a bright future.

The question that is always in the air is—“How long?”. Karen, our lead hospice nurse, always has the same answer—“We are in God country now.”

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10 Responses to Friday, April 22, 2011

  1. Wendy Thornberry Stonerock says:

    As I read your words my heart breaks for each and every one of you. Knowing that Lin is resting comfortably is a blessing in itself, but knowing the pain that the rest of you are in is hard to hear. I don’t know any of you except for Lin, but please know that I continue to think of you, pray for you and wish you God’s peace each and every day. Hoping that Lin is enjoying the sweet little blue birds that have come to visit you for a while, as well as the family and friends gathered around her now. May God be with all of you, and please tell Lin that I send my love.

  2. Val Reaves says:

    May God’s peace be ever present with you all…
    Val

  3. Dian Stanley says:

    Thank you Lorin for writing what must really be hard messages to all of us who wait to hear from you and hoping for a rally. It’s good to know that she is peaceful and her family is close by to lend each other support. It’s also good to know you cry when you write these because I sure cry when I read them and I’m betting I’m not alone!

    Give her hand a squeeze from me and thank you again!

    Dian Stanley

  4. kcwoman says:

    This like was from Austin even remembering what machine I’m using is not near to mind. My medals go to my kids and wife for being without me for so long.

  5. Sydne Maycock says:

    I didn’t realize I could make a comment on your blogs until now. I so appreciate the regular updates. I continue to pray for Lin and all of you. She is such a marvel, I am glad the bluebirds came this year–maybe a way for Father to put His arms around all of you.

  6. Suzanne Riggin says:

    Thank you, Lorin. Please tell Lin I think of her and pray for all of you throughout the days. Suzanne

  7. elizabeth says:

    I often think of how much Lin gave to her students and her family as a teacher of how to live life and appreciate its beauty. From the bluebirds to her family and friends, she is sharing her love of life and love for all of you in this journey. Thank you Lin for sharing your experience and your family with us at this very difficult but beautiful time.

  8. DEB Hillen says:

    I’ve checked every day for an update, knowing that you are all giving her the greatest care. Tears of sadness but also joy that Lin is surrounded by all of the family and love that she needs. Today is a sewing day, I’m going to be working on a piece of fabric that Lin gave me about a year ago. Tell her I’ll be sewing with my hands but with her heart.
    Love to you all.
    DEB

  9. Chris Fuller says:

    Lorin~ I think of Lin, you and your family often and hope that you’re finding peace during this time of being in “God’s country” ( a perfect description). I marvel at how you’re able to find the beauty all around you – Lin, family members, flowers, bluebirds – despite the heartbreaking moments you encounter on a daily basis. And like so many of the other people who check this blog and the other one as well, I thank you for sharing your thoughts and updates with all of us.
    Chris

  10. Elizabeth says:

    May you all continue to walk with courage and strength of spirit as you bravely navigate the unchartered waters ahead. Lin, you are the wind beneath our wings…

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